atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
