i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
