True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
