Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
