Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
