I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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