dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
