I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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