I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
