I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
