Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
