Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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