I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
