We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
where are my eyebrows?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
