I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
