Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
we're so committed to being not committed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
