Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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