so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
