In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
