Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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