I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
