theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
