You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
