omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
