What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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