Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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