You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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