she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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