if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
