i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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