I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
