How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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