FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
