just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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