bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
