i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
