I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
