i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
