and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
