Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
