Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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