from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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