my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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