I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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