:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
