woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
