My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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