just come out here and I will go home with you...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
