Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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