Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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