No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This is the high leading the old right now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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