I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
