so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
