if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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