i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
